At the Dentist

I was at the dentist, waiting in the lobby with Camille for a 5pm (WTF?) appointment for some X-rays and a cleaning, and the television was on up in the corner of the room.

When I'm there in my own, I usually read in their outdated magazines and ignore the H&G Network shows they air in perpetuity. (Everybody else is on their phone, obviously.)

This time Camille was goofing around in my lap and paying half-attention to the show, and we caught some of the premise. It was a show about "winning the lottery" on getting a house. Cool, I thought, people won a house?

The host is a slender gay Asian man, highly tattooed, and he approaches the 'winners' and makes a scene where they all celebrate and show off for the camera, and the 'winners' are couples. At the end of the celebrating, he asks, "So...how much money are you giving me to find your new house?"

So...these 'winners' really just won the chance to have a TV show follow them as they shop for a new home? And have this cool personality do the legwork for them? Right? That's what I could gather in the few minutes this first episode aired.

So, the tattooed Asian guy is asking how much will you give me, the music crescendos and then cuts out, and the couple announces: "One-hundred thousand."

Um...okay...besides 15 months in Austin and 6 months in Sacramento, I've spent the last 26 years living in San Luis Obispo, New York City, and Southern California, three places that have more cars in the $100k price range than houses.

$100k? For a house? IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE IN AMERICA TODAY?

The answer is, yes, absolutely this is possible. In fact, the specific episode of this show was filmed in Cincinnati, where, as per the show's structure, the host finds three places that fit their desires and budget, and he did this exact thing. One cost $110k, one cost $87k, and the last cost $84k.

Two houses that cost less than one-hundred-thousand dollars.

That must be my California showing.

We waited a while in that waiting room, even watching the beginning of the next episode, where a couple in South Florida won a lottery and wanted to upgrade their home, and they had a half-million to spend. And, a half-million will get you some crazy stuff in Jupiter, Florida, it can at least get you 780 sq. ft. in Long Beach.

For all the waiting, this is a pretty cool dentist. They rock you in and out, once you get out of the lobby. Plus, we ride bikes over there. Pretty sweet.

Mario Galaxy and Promethazine

The trip to Solvang at the beginning of April was great, but while there I came down with whatever the kids had: my body was achy and run-down, my face was all congested, and I had a hearty cough. One day in the morning before work, my eyes felt like I was having a hay-fever attack, or some other kind of allergic deal, but I don't normally have allergies. So...

After a second day of painful eyes, terrible sleep, a nasty cough and a stuffy nose, I went to checked out. They took mercy on me and gave me a script for eye drops, some nice decongestant, and a plastic hip flask of promethazine.

Back in the summer of '98, Vallejo-based rapper Celly Cel released his most famous single, "Pop the Trunk." I mention this random tidbit because this song was the first time I ever heard of promethazine, as guest rappers UGK (Underground Kingz) rap the lyric "Sippin' on promethazine, poppin' the trunk." (The song still hits, for what it's worth.)

Cut to the next Saturday and I feel pretty much better, and we're headed wit the kids to go see Mario Galaxy in the theater. I did enjoy the Super Mario Movie from a few years back: it was a low-stakes story that tried to 1) make the gameplay feel like a natural part of the world the characters (from Earth) were thrust into; and 2) stuff a bunch of easter eggs into the movie, foreground and background. Mission accomplished on both fronts. It's absurd, but fun.

This movie, the sequel, Mario Galaxy, felt like the best outcome for making the gameplay from the more advanced Super Mario Galaxy games feel natural and/or novel, with easter eggs galore, and Yoshi! I especially liked how Yoshi kinda shows up and immediately gets adopted into the crew, with only Toad being like, "What's with the dinosaur?"

But, the movie theater in 2026 has reclining seats, swivel trays like a college classroom built-in desk, and they sell beer.

Saturday afternoon, bike riding to the movie house, taking a big swig of codeine-powered promethazine, getting a big tall beer, kicked back in a recliner watching a low-stakes feast for the eyeballs with my kids? 

Living the dream!

Now, if I could only get some time for me and Corrie...just the two of us...

Birthdays are for Those who Love You

A great line from "That '70s Show" is when Red Foreman, the patriarch of the family is upset about having to do this or that for his own birthday, and he pines, "Isn't it my birthday? Isn't this day for me?" And Kitty, his family-and-household-running wife laughs and says, "No! It's for the people who love you!" And she sends him on some kind errand (or commands he take his pants off, I can't remember exactly).

M birthday was this past week, and I'm pretty sure my kids were more excited than I was.

They were on Spring Break and went shopping. They picked out a bunch of clothes, which is nice, because clothing is one of the few things I care very little about, and they have better taste than me anyway.

They wrapped them, stuffed the wrapped presents into random bags, then stashed the bags around the house and had me "scavenger hunt" for them. Then they mostly sat in my lap as I opened each one, breathlessly watching.

It was a good time, even as we try to figure ourselves out in this world.

The Pelagic Nature of Long Drives

Sometimes, as the mind wanders during hour two of a five hour stint along Interstate 40, I start to imagine the highway like the open ocean's water column, its verticality mapped onto the horizontal axis.

Tiny drifts of plankton, moving up the column to eat even tinier oceanic rotifers, and, as the sun descends behind, and the hours pile up and we start driving towards night, it's almost like we're heading higher and higher into the safe darkness.

The tiny animals that drift up in the night and then back down as the sun brightens the sky constitute the biggest mass migration on earth, and it happens daily. Trillions upon trillions of organisms feel a margin of safety once it gets dark, and then stuff happens. They move up and feed on smaller things, and larger animals eat them.

And larger animals eat them. And tiny fish eat them and become plentiful. Eventually they school in enormous numbers, and away the food chain goes.

The life cycle in the open ocean, the pelagic life cycle, and my brain spends half its energy on surrounding traffic, and the other half imagining that we're just a marine mote riding up and down the column.

Interstate 40, from Barstow to Amarillo, is long, straight, and far more mellow than the similarly long and straight I-5, or even I-10. I-40 is quiet, populated by few trucks---slow moving larvae in the column---and virtually no jerks that feel they must be in the fast lane going the speed limit. 

I thought that I wrote this piece before, and when I couldn't find it under my searches, I thought I should type it up. Why now? I have no idea. I've been hammering away at a large project and needed to decompress, and haven't been sleeping well, and maybe that's been bringing me back to these weird metaphors for the slow 1800-mile boogie.

Also, I like the idea that something could be titled "The Pelagic Nature of Long Distance Interstate Driving," and that then the title could seem too verbose for a blog post, and that it could be edited down to what we see here.

Maybe that's what this is about. Maybe its about Artemis II hurtling back to Earth today. About solitude, about making slow progress, about placement in the vast sea on earth...also, about the funny looks people give you when you use a word like 'pelagic' in normal conversations.

Me: Can I get the receipt on 8? (Corrie tracks the cost for work.)

Attendant: 'Course. (Bzzt-bzzt-bzzt) Long drive, huh? Where y'all coming from?

Me: Ooph...southern California. On the road to past Amarillo...

Attendant: Wow! Howzit going so far?

Me: (Still in a daze) Well...you know, just contemplating the pelagic nature of the drive...

Attendant: ..........

I think I have something here to explore more later. Always procuring projects, like Sick-Boy and his "contacts." (Also, random Trainspotting reference!)

Springtime in Solvang

We took a nice weekend trip to Auntie Anne's, and both my dad and brother made it for the weekend too! This was the first time we'd seen my brother in the flesh since 2020, and it was the first time we saw my dad since the reunion trip in 2024.

The kids get to play with the dogs, get to play with the Playstation 5, get to play in a backyard and front yard, and this time, got to play with grandpa and Uncle Dan.

One thing we got to do was an Easter Egg Hunt outside of the Solvang hamlet...or maybe it was inside, but it was at one of the historic Wells Fargo stagecoach stops:

Here you can see Cass (and a few other boys) ready to jump the line to head out looking for eggs:

We're not really Easter people, or people who celebrate Easter, and this kind of social activity is a remnant of family activities. It was fun, but I can go either way. I wouldn't have pursued it, but I'm also not ready to refuse to attend once invited.

All in all, it was a very nice trip getting out of LA metro for a weekend. Thanks to Auntie Anne and Uncle Val for hosting, and thanks to my dad and brother for making the trip, which for them was certainly more challenging and longer to accomplish.

St Paddy's 2026

I got home quick and Corrie and I went to a local bar. It was a Tuesday, March 17th this year. That's Green Pasta night at our house. We did our corned beef, potatoes, and Lacinato kale (snobs are we) the previous Sunday, so dinner was going to be fast.

After a beer and a shot of whiskey, and another beer, we were sixty-bucks lighter (WTF?). I was having a conversation with a random drunk older lady, the kind of conversations that are had often, especially with me and/or Corrie and the random stranger.

The conversation was going well, and this lady was fiery. We were having a good ol' time, and eventually I showed her pictures of the kids. What followed was her freaking the hell out that I "allowed" Cass to have his long hair. "Aren't you his dad? Don't you have any pride in being a dad? How can you let him do that to himself?"

What the fucking fuck are you talking about, was mostly my response. But I didn't bother to listen. He's a compassionate, intelligent, funny, athletic, and daring little iconoclast, and anybody who questions his future or intentions or place on Earth because of his hair can rightly go fuck off.

We had our pesto and broccoli, watched our Simpsons episode, and took care of bath night. Besides an annoying drunken boomer casting aspersions at me and my son, it was a pretty cool day. 

It was like most days really, but it did have us---me and Corrie---sneaking off to a bar for a quick taste. That kind if thing may happen more often if it weren't so dang expensive. Plus the bartender lived in Bed-Stuy a few years before us, so we got along pretty well.

Anyway, Happy St. Paddy's!

Banana Ball!

Our former roommate, groomsman, and good buddy Ryan contacted us weeks ago with an offer: he'd won a chance to purchase Savanah Banana tickets. Would we like ot join him on a particular day? Why, yes, we said. And that day was this past Friday night.

The game was at the Big A, the home of the Angels down in Anaheim, and it was a full house. That picture above doesn't capture how full the place was. Seems like it's not that full that often. 

Anyway: Banana Ball, baby!

If you're unfamiliar with the Savanah Banana brand of baseball, you just need to think of the Harlem Globetrotters for baseball. They put on a show, they play some ball, and everyone has a good time.

There are some rule differences that had me thinking of Futurama's Blernsball game. 

In the barnstorming league there are six teams, and they travel around and play each other in similar circumstances and under the same rules. According to their website, it looks like every game is sold out, which shows that there is an appetite for this kind of game, this Banana Ball.

The teams that play in the Banana Ball Champions League are the titular Savanah Bananas, the Party Animals, the Firefighters, the Texas Tailgaters, the Loco Beach Coconuts, and being resurrected in both name and spirit, the Indianapolis Clowns.

When Corrie was checking the Banana's opponent for our game, she said, "Um...looks like the Bananas are playing...the Red Shoes?" And when we tried to look closer at the image, it seemed like they were clown shoes, maybe?

But I was very excited when it became clear the matchup we got to see was the Bananas versus the Clowns. The OG Clowns were the progenitor to today's Savanah Bananas, played on the Negro League circuit, and employed a teenage Hank Aaron.

The warm-up routines were very exciting and silly, and nearly each half-inning there were competitions and/or dance numbers. And when the baseball game was being played, it was fast-paced. The reason for that is built into the rules.

Baseball is a game, a sport, a 'National Pastime.'

Banana Ball looks like baseball, but it has some major rule changes, some of which make for a more interesting product. To wit...

1. The final score is based on how many innings you win, and to win an inning, you need to score more runs than the opponent.
2. Every infielder must touch the ball on a strikeout before the batter is out, meaning that if they run fast enough, they'll almost surely reach base on a strikeout.
3. THERE IS A TIMER. Once the kid-guest announces, "Start the clock!" in unison with fans who know, a big 2-hour countdown timer starts on the scoreboard and does not stop until the 9th inning. They game will be called over if it's not the 9th by two hours. This wrinkle is better than any pitch-clock. These pitchers get after it.

The inning-winning wrinkle causes some weird moments that halp speed the game. Above, if you look closely, you'll see the first run scored in the game was by the home-tram, the Bananas, in inning 5. Because thge Clowns didn't score in the top half, once that guy came across the plate, that half-inning was over and the top of the 6th started. If all you're trying to do is win innings, it all moves so much faster. 

It was the same thing for the 6th inning above, and for the 7th, when the Clowns scored 4 runs, they were still losing 2-1, because they'd only won the one inning. 

Any bottom-half on an inning can be a walk-off. Pretty cool.

This was a great time, and so much fun, and shows that America and its kids really do have quite an appetite for baseball games. And I could support a Banana Ball extension. Corrie joked that they should shift the narrative to Banana Ball as the thing with the Savanah Banana phenomenon, and maybe she's right.

I mean, they eventually let the guy on stilts pitch, and is anything on a baseball diamond more exciting than that?