Out with the Boys

I have a few drinking buddies. As a parent, the times when I "go out" with the boys, or go out drinking are, eh, few and far between. Date nights for me and Corrie are limited to a few times a year. She goes out with some of her friends more often than I do, but those tend to be lunches and brunches, with the occasional night thrown in.

I joined my boys more often before Cass was born, but whatever. They still call occasionally, and I try to join them for those times. When I do, the realities set in that I often hear but ignore in practice: parents need some adult-only time.

This is always easier said than done. If Corrie and I want to go out ("date-night") babysitters are expensive, busy, hard to find or are stopped by some other situation. Making time for ourselves (on our own) and our pals is dependent on their time as much as our own energy level.

Anyway, I went out with the boys this past weekend, and we each shared our visions for what our lives were like: me, dad of two young kids, gawking at the fact people are out after dark; and my buddies, childless yet weighed down by life and ambitions nonetheless, trying to place themselves in positions of making parental decisions in their imagination.

It was obvious they enjoyed their relative freedoms, their own times to themselves. I'm hoping it was obvious that I enjoy my kids. 

It got me thinking...did these boys ever want kids, beyond their thought experiments while we talked? I know specifically one did, but circumstances conspired against it. When the alternative is that you have relative freedom and sufficient income, no one can be too upset, right?

And I thought about myself, too. Do I miss the long nights at the bars, carousing around, the smoky alleys, the psilocybin-fueled discussions with crashing waves at the beach?

I can't say that I do, entirely, miss it. That life? No. Getting some quiet moments to drink a cup of coffee and read a sports page? Is that such an impossible thing to accomplish? 

I definitely want a better balance. Being an adult out of my house away from my wife and kids but with other adults is something I want more than once a year. I'd like to be out with Corrie---just the two of us---more than four times a year. Making these things happen has been harder for me than I would have expected.

Anyway, I'll always want to go out with the boys when they call, and sometimes I will join them. And maybe one day I'll even arrange it myself.