Shohei Ohtani: Prepare for Hyperbole

Whoa.

I've written here in the past about baseball things. In 2012 I lifted a bunch of lists of eras with Hall of Famers who were in their under-25 year old seasons. (I should revisit that gimmick...) I once explored a conversation my dad and I had about Derek Jeter being the greatest shortstop ever. I even once pontificated on books about Pete Rose and A-Rod in a post I didn't remember until right now.

I once added a half-joking meme to my Hank Aaron remembrance about how he should have been in the conversation for Greatest Of All Time. The end of this Hank Aaron piece is something like: I'm looking for arguments to who's better than Henry, and if you're arguing for anyone not named Willie Mays or Babe Ruth, you can kindly fuck off. 

But it's obvious I was wrong. Well...now it's obvious I was wrong.

I was thinking of a few things earlier this week. What if back in September of 1994, a month after the STRIKE ended the season and the days were dark for baseball fans, someone came to us (er, baseball fans) and said: Look, I know this sucks, but in 30 years, there will be a dude who'll---get this---go 50-50! And us baseball fans would've said, What, like 50 homers and 50 doubles? I think this Albert Belle guy can get that next year (as long as they play). 

But the futuristic person would say, No! Seriously! I mean 50 homers and 50 stolen bases! And we'd say, You're insane! And then they'd say, And...AND...when healthy this dude will ALSO be the best pitcher in baseball! We'd then tell this person to get the fuck outta here with all that noise.

And they'd say, No! Seriously! The most tantalizing player in the game is a power threat, hits for high average, can steal a bunch of bases, AND can throw 100 mph and can strike out anybody, even his own Mickey-Mantle-clone-teammate in the highest stakes international competition.

We baseball fans in 1994 would stare at this person with confusion on our face. And then the person would say: And, now get ready for this: people seem almost more interested in a 5'10" former first-pick quarterback getting benched after his 18th game.

Shohei Ohtani came into tonight's game on the precipice of an all-timer baseball mark. He entered tonight's game with 49 steals and 48 homers. On September 19th, this is shockingly close to baseball immortality: he had a real chance to reach an unheard of reality: 50 homers and 50 stolen bases. Enter tonight's game against the Miami Marlins.

What's Shohei's line? Just a little 6 for 6 with 10 RBIs, 3 homers, 2 steals, and a double. That's 16 bases and 4 runs scored, to go with those two steals.

He goes into September 20th, 2024, with 51 homers and 51 stolen bases.

And...and are we ready for a 40-40 guy with 20 wins? How is anyone better than Shohei? He's the best hitter and the best pitcher. Is he not the GOAT? I know...I know...it's not the longevity...and we're prisoners of the moment...but HOLY HELL, DO YOU SEE THIS GUY? What if Frank Robinson could give you 150 innings of Cy Young Award-caliber pitching? What if Tom Seaver or Steve Carlton moved to the AL and could produce 30-30 seasons as a DH/pitcher?

Vandalism with a Purpose

Calling this "vandalism" kind of misses the point. The artist in question called it guerrilla public service.

The situation was this: for years, in Los Angeles the freeway signs were, eh, unhelpful. The spur I-110 passes right through the west part of downtown LA's center. The connector to I-5 was a left exit, but the only sign saying so was nearly a mile before, and small, and on the right side of the road.

Angelino, sign maker, and artist Richard Ankrom got fed up. He decided to take matters into his own hands. If you click on the link above you'll be taken to his documentary, "Guerrilla Public Service." He documented himself making a very high quality freeway sign, actually exactly the same as the California Department of Transportation, down to the paint and reflectors. He even purchased an outfit to look like a public worker, and installed the sign in the middle of the day.

The whole endeavor is proof of "look like you belong and no one will bother you." The movie shows all of this, and he didn't release it until the statute of limitations was up on his "public sign 'defacing.'" 

This "vandalism" was left unchanged (it was pretty helpful) for 8 years. 8. Years. Hell yes.

Eventually the DoT came and took the rogue sign down, and replaced it with one of their own. I realized that when I was staying in the hotel in DTLA back in August, I could see the replaced sign:

And there it is: the I-5 marker showing the left lane exit next the 110 marker. (That's the point where the road splits: north of that point and it's CA HWY 110; south and it's spur I-110.)

Of course, I took the picture before I realized I had the sign in frame...here's the original pic:

This is from the elevator landing on the 20th floor. I was familiar with the documentary and realized later that I may have captured the new sign.

Anywho, the documentary is weird and, eh, Lynchian, I guess you could say. As in David Lynch...if a documentary about making and secretly---in the bright sunlight of day---installing a freeway sign can be like a David Lynch project.

I read an essay about it recently, and a point they were making was: wasn't there anything better to do? Like, making a legit traffic sign, and installing it? Nothing better to do? And the answer was...no. This was in August of 2001. It was a month before the 9/11 attacks, with the US at the height of it's global position, invincible and where messing around with trifling things was a totally passable thing to be involved with.

Seems like a distant memory now.

Labor Day with Family

Back in June in Denver we made a date to spend Labor Day with my Auntie Anne and Uncle Val, my dad's sister and her husband, who live in Solvang. Solvang is a Danish town in between Santa Barbara and San Luis Obispo that has become a kitschy tourist town. A trio of Danes founded it back in 1911, when they bought 10,000 acres of land in the Santa Ynez Valley.

My mom told us stories of visiting it back when the majority of language you'd hear was still Danish.

I wish I had better pictures of the picturesque towny atmosphere, but this is what I have. It's always been a little hokey for me, but I get it, and the kids thought it was cool. 

Earlier that day, Auntie Anne took us to the Ostrich and Emu Experience in town. I guess it's not exactly "in town," but everything is five minutes apart around there, so...why not just call it?

Anyway, once you got inside, if you elected to purchase the feed, you could get closer to giant birds than you thought you'd ever otherwise get:

The emus made the best noises: like a large hollow rubber ball was being hit with a croquet mallet. We were there at the best time: the marine layer was still around, so the temperature was mellow, and it was before the crowds showed up in earnest. On later days we'd drive past and see just how crowded the parking lot could get.

We even drove out to Jalama Beach, a small SB County campground and park outside of Lompoc. We took Anne and Val's dogs, and they enjoyed the hell out of it:

That's Cass off in the distance

One of the few things I felt nostalgia for was, maybe weirdly, the way the morning air smelled. Turns out I missed the smell of the morning air on the Central Coast. Also, once that marine layer burns off, the green rim that surrounds nearly all views in the area is back in view, clearly seen from the front yard space at Auntie Anne's:

There place was very nice and cute, and the kids loved being there.

Ann and Val never had kids themselves, so for our kids and for my auntie and uncle, this was like a grandparent visit. It was very sweet and special, and our kids got so much attention and gave so much attention and love of their own.

Uncle Val put on loud action movies (Dead Reckoning: Part 1) and showed Cass how to play Call of Duty.Val shared with both kids cowboy hats and sunglasses. They loved Camille's flight's of imagination-fueled stories, chatted up Corrie about work, and helped out in the kitchen, absorbing a few tidbits I offered.

The drive back, on Labor Day Monday, was less than three hours, which was remarkable considering the day and drive (US 101 to I-405? Seriously?), and added to the magical time the visit really was.

Love you guys, and can't wait to do it again!