New Car

I like my coffee black and my transmissions manual.

This is the Front of the Story. The Back of the Story follows.

The Tale of the Disappearing Stick-Shifts

I knew it was getting bad, but jeeze. As an adherent to manual transmission cars (for some reason) I've seen a few of the people I know who used to drive them, when the time came to upgrade, ended up automatic. Sometimes it's physical, sometimes it's about how deeply you feel about it. There are some holdouts (me, Dan, Norm, Tony...), but I'm thinking people don't care about it like I do.

I went to visit some dealerships the other day. You wanna make car salespeople uncomfortable? It goes something like this:

Salesguy: Hi! What can I help you with today?

Me: Well I'm in the market for a used car.

S: Well alright! We can help you with that.

Me: I want a four-door sedan...

S: Yes? Sounds good!

Me: ...and a manual transmission. A stick...

S: Ehhhhhhhhhhh-kaaaaayyyy....

It was funny each time. They'd go from "No dog food tonight" (shoutout Futurama) excitement to fully crestfallen in a matter of moments. Very few dealerships will have manual transmission cars. Maybe that's an overreach. Of the ones I went to, the salesforce were all shrugs and eyebrows. But, you know, Subaru lots will stock plenty of WRX, which are standard manual, and many German editions still stock the stick-shifts, but not like in Europe.

By and large, the salesguys told me, most people they interact with can't drive them, let alone prefer them. Not me, I said. Show me what you got. That was the only real hard rule, the baseline that had to be met. Stick-shift, four-door sedan. Why?

Why not, I say.

I'm not really an "Off my lawn!" kinda guy, but not having a lawn for nearly 20 years could have an effect on that. But I do like my coffee black and my cars to need me to change the gears. You get better mileage, can speed more efficiently, are forced to pay better attention to what you're doing, and have more fun! You feel like you're really driving!

Anyway, on my day trying to find something to replace my current stick-shift, four-door sedan, I was only able to test-drive three cars: a '16 Ford Focus; an '18 VW Golf (somehow with four doors and more room than made sense); and an '18 Honda Civic SI. All three had six gears. A six-speed? New normal?

I didn't buy any of them, but they showed a few different things: there's no getting in trouble with that Focus---my mom's stick-shift '85 Caravan was faster than it---and the Golf's rearview mirror was placed in such a way as to cutoff the visibility to the entire right side of the windshield. The Honda was the most fun of the group, as it was the sporty edition.

After returning home and talking with Corrie, she got on her phone. A quick search found something suitable: a 2020 Honda Civic with only 19k mile. It had been leased to someone with 4 miles on the odometer. After three years they returned it, and because it was a stick no one else wanted it. It was chillin' as the only manual on the lot besides the Corvette. The price was set to move it, and we got a great deal. 

Oddly enough, I got a reputation on each of the lots, as the first salesguy in each place ended up needing help to locate any hidden sticks. "You're the guy who wants the stick?" random dudes would say, excited to be around one of us but also a bit disappointed, since they knew the journey for what I wanted would be difficult, and certainly not found on their lot.

Even at the place that did have my new car two different guys came to me and said variations of: "You're the dude that got that stick Honda? That's rad!" More than one of them wistfully spoke about their old cars, about how much they missed their manual transmissions.

Like...okay.

Back in the day I'm pretty sure Norm and I brutalized Hondas and their drivers, skewered them in our conversations mercilessly. That was back when I cared about trifling things. At this juncture in my life I just need a car that won't die on the fucking bridge, that won't spew water vapor and radiator fluid at a stoplight almost to work, that won't need new tires every other week. A four-door sedan for taking my kids to their shit, not an SUV, not a wagon or a van or a pickup or a hotrod. If it shades towards hotrod, that's cool, but not mandatory.

The stick-shift was, though.

In our underground garage

It worked out. One less thing to concern myself with.

*

This is the Back of the Story.

Lemme Tell You About White Privilege

When Corrie and I moved back to California back in 2011, we re-upped our driver's licenses. I was able to retain my original number because less years had passed since my last California's license, while Corrie's had been out longer. She ended up with a new number. No biggie. 

Since we're of a certain age, those licenses were good for ten years. Or not. I don't remember renewing it in 2016. Anyway, in April of 2021, I was regularly talking to my laptop for work and only driving to daycare and/or preschool. My license expired and I didn't even notice.

That November, while driving back from Texas after Thanksgiving in Austin, I got pulled over and was given an official warning about my speed. Maybe the patrolman, who had been driving 55 in the 80 zone and totally baffled me that when I rushed up onto him doing the speed limit and had to brake in a rushed manner gave him cause, maybe he took a look at Corrie's little skullcap and took mercy, or maybe he didn't notice. BUT, he made no mention of my expired ID.

When the cop on the bridge asked me "How you doin?" as I blocked traffic for an hour on the Vincent Thomas Bridge? He took my ID and registration...he made no mention of my expired ID.

White privilege, yo!

Not a single person asked to see my license at any of the dealerships I went to, and sales personnel were happy to toss me keys and go for a ride. The only person who ever asked to see my driver's license during any of this was the loan officer at my credit union. She was like, "Um, this is expired. Do you have anything that's...like..."

I'm not a total deviant. My appointment for getting the Real ID has been a long time coming, and it is very soon. Rounding up the items you need is made difficult because of the paperless nature of official documents and the lack of a printer at home. If it was a real priority, it would have been finished already.

Is it a real priority? We went to Mexico for a wedding---didn't need it; got pulled over twice---not a problem; just bought a car---only the banker asked to see it, and it still wasn't a problem. I wasn't able to rent a car, which was a burden on Corrie. Thats annoying. I got turned away at the Blind Donkey, the neighborhood underground bar, which was embarrassing. Normally I take my passport.

I respect being turned away from booze as the punishment for it being expired. There should be some penalty. Like, c'mon dumbass, get your shit together. Aren't you growed-up? 

This is what white privilege is. This entire scenario. Being comfortable enough to have strong opinions about my car's transmission. Being able to talk to two people and sign my name a few times and getting a pretty rad car. I didn't give them any actual money. I may have signed up for a bunch of future handovers, of course, but no money has changed hands yet.

No money, no license? No problem.

New car.

White motherfucking privilege, yo.